AUTHENTIC FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS

Originally published by Blessed Is She

The Saving Graces, written by Patricia Gaffney, is a story of four girlfriends who for a decade shared deep affection that helped them deal with the ebb and flow of life, uniting them as years went by. Their story profoundly impacted the way I viewed friendship. I was deeply enthused by their depth, loyalty, vulnerability and how quickly they chose to forgive. I have often wondered why such stories leave indelible marks on our soul . What is it about such relationships that invoke in us a deep desire for belonging?  Why was I drawn to it?

In 2019, following my talk on relationships at a youth conference, a young girl came to me saying “I don’t have any friends, what is wrong with me?” Her question brought a myriad of memories without delay.

During college, I had superficial relationships and very few that resembled “friendships.” I floated between different groups across campuses, trying to fit in but was shattered many times by girls who elevated themselves by tearing others down.

On the other hand, my broken home, coupled with my atheistic lifestyle, prevented me from seeing myself as a “gift.” It left a deep void within me. I constantly tried to fill this emptiness with the comfort of shallow friendships, those who knew me only by my appearance, not my heart. I was the queen of comparison, constantly seeking validation, settling for mediocrity. I set unrealistic—if not idolatrous—expectations on friends, expecting them to comfort, provide and love the way I wanted.

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